Will Pouget of the DinerFollowing an all-day conference on Friday, drinks at the Turf Tavern, where Bill Clinton famously ‘smoked but did not inhale’, were certainly in order. This, of course, was then followed by a need for sustenance. Finding the one and only burrito hole-in-the-wall in Oxford with a queue down the street, a friend had an idea to try the ‘posh burger van’.
First, a note on Oxford kebab van culture, which is far more contentious than one might think. In a food and beverage climate that shuts down no later than, perhaps, 11pm, the kebab van is the Oxford student’s port of call for that greasy bit of inject-my-arteries-with lard-directly-must-soak-up-the-last-six-pints-of-ale before stumbling and nodding off to Bedfordshire. While I do know the rare one or two frequenters who admit to indulging in kebab fare while sober, the typical clientele of the kebab van are ravenous, slightly bleary-eyed, and, I suppose, occasionally belligerent, sputtering something along the lines of ‘gihmemychips!’ Not the kind of scene that adds glint to the gilded portals of college quads. Just this year, Saeid Keshmiri of ‘Sid’s Kitchen’ was nearly ousted from his post outside the Tom Gate of Christ Church after the steward John Harris complained to the City Council that the smell of chips and doner and the noise of ‘revellers’ was detrimental to student welfare and unsightly for visitors. In a land without the waffle house, 24-hour diner, or street food culture full stop, the kebab van has ingrained itself into the gastro landscape of Oxford, certain vans achieving a kind of cult status. Ahmed’s has its own Facebook group of devotees, and Daily Information for Oxford includes a food review section specifically dedicated to kebab vans.
On this particular occasion, myself and two friends found ourselves with all powers of discrimination fully intact, and, acting upon good reviews we’d heard, decided to give it a shot. Known as ‘The Diner: Alpha on Wheels’, the owners of Alpha Bar (an organic, local, wholefood staple of the Covered Market) and the Woodstock Deli have come up with an utterly ingenious, mobile set-up. The burgers on offer include veggie and vegan options from tofu to a ‘risotto’ burger, next to lamb burgers, chicken burgers, goat cheese burgers, and an array of toppings and sauces, including fresh tomato salsa and guacamole (green gold to any American ex-patriot). All seasonal, local, and organic, and for 3.50 a pop, it’s hard to find a better deal. My organic beef cheeseburger was presented to me on grilled artisan bread, and I decided to go for the onion jam, red cabbage coleslaw and garlic mayo for accompaniment. The beef was juicy and flavourful; the onion jam sticky with caramelized goodness; the coleslaw added a delightful crunch, and the garlic mayo oozed fortified creaminess strong enough to ward off even Edward Cullen.
Of course, eating ours picnic-style beside the Worcester College lake didn’t hurt, either. Yes, the vans may be eyesores, the doner may be nothing more than rotating, gristly cardboard, and the unsightly inhalation of cheese and chips does little for an image of intellect or one's figure, but keep your kebab—this is one van that I would not mind having outside my door.
Article in the Telegraph: 'The kebab crusader bites back'
The Diner: Alpha on Wheels can be found at the corner of Beaumont Street & St. Giles street, just outside the Taylorian.
Alpha Bar is located at 89 Covered Market, Avenue 3, and the Woodstock Road Delicatessen is at 15 Woodstock Road.
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